(no subject)

[slybrunette]

Title: Unforgiving
Fandom: Lost
Characters/Pairings: Desmond, Claire, mentions of Claire/Charlie
Prompt: Challenge #52 over at lostfichallenge
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,115
Spoilers: Through the Season 3 finale. 
Awards: Third Place in Challenge #52 - Desmond Is My Savior at lostfichallenge
Summary: Claire confronts Desmond about Charlie's death. 

He can feel her watching him. Claire’s none too subtle about it either. It doesn’t matter if she’s sitting in her tent, playing with Aaron, or talking to Jack (he’s been coming by her more and more often, like he feels responsible for letting Charlie go on this suicide mission, and then not getting them rescued), she’ll still glance over at him, watching him as he sits on the shore, or as he tries to read that smudged paper that he doubts he’ll ever make sense of.

 

Charlie trusted him with that letter, and being that it was the last thing that he left, being that he had waited until he was sure he was going to die, Desmond knows it has to be important. It’s important and yet, just like Charlie, it got lost at sea, ink smearing and bleeding into the water.  He has to live with that. And he has to live with this too, the constant feel of her eyes boring into his back, her suspicions that he had something to do with all of this, with Charlie’s death.

 

Except they aren’t just suspicions, and he knows that, and she knows that as well to a degree. It doesn’t take much to figure out that he had something to do with Charlie’s death. Desmond had volunteered to go with him on the mission, and he’d owned up to having flashes of Charlie dying several times. It’s fairly obvious, so much so that he’s surprised there hasn’t been any backlash from before now.

 

Tonight though, she doesn’t watch so much as follow him back to his tent after everyone’s finished dinner, and broken apart into small groups. He knows she’s on his heels, despite how quiet she is, footsteps barely detectable in the sand. It’s more the look he saw in her eyes when he glanced over at her during dinner, her face lit by the firelight, hands wrung in her lap, and somehow he knew that confrontation was on the horizon.

 

“You knew didn’t you?” She begins, before she’s even fully entered his tent. His back is turned to her, and he stiffens in response to this onslaught that he knows is coming. “You knew that he wasn’t coming back, and you let him go anyways!”

 

He doesn’t bother to defend himself when she pauses, almost to let him talk, to give him a chance to say his side. In reality there’s nothing he can say, because she’s right, and lying hasn’t gotten him anywhere in a long time. Better to just get this over with.

 

“Didn’t you?” Claire expects him to answer, that part is clear.

 

Slowly he turns to face her. Her eyes are wild and pleading, her lips set in a tight line, looking like she would cry out if she wasn’t so angry. “Yes, I did,” he tells her. Admitting is the first step.

 

She slaps him. Hard, and fast, and it’ll leave a red mark in the shape of a hand for a few hours, but it isn’t permanent (and death is). “You bastard! You knew, and you didn’t tell anyone.”

 

“Who was I supposed to tell?” He surprises himself, both with his reply (he wasn’t going to argue with her, he was just going to let her get it out, it was better that way), and with the sound of his own voice. Too full of emotion, and quite a bit louder than he’d intended. “Who would’ve believed me?”

 

“I would’ve. I would’ve believed you. You knew, and you didn’t tell me, and I never got to say goodbye.” And that’s what it all comes down doesn’t it? The feeling as though she hadn’t said all she’d needed to say, the unresolved that now never would be resolved. It eats away at people. It’s eating away at her, and she needs someone to blame. He’s as good a candidate as any.

 

“I didn’t mean for him to die. I saw it, and I was going to – I was going to save him again, but he wouldn’t have any of it. I told him what I saw, and he decided to stop fighting, to just give up. And for that I’m sorry. I should’ve never told him.” He’s rambling he knows, but it wasn’t like he had a speech prepared or something. This wasn’t his everyday conversation.

 

She frowns suddenly, her eyes widening. “What did you see?”

 

“It’s not important.” He looks away, realizing his misstep. Telling her will only make this worse.

 

“No, it is. You said that whatever it was made him change his mind, made him give up. Now what did you see?” He doesn’t answer her. “No, you aren’t getting out of this. You have to tell me, you owe me that much.”

 

“I told him I saw rescue.” He tells her, after a long pause. “I told him I saw you and Aaron getting on the rescue helicopter, and the only way for that to happen was for him to…and after that he was settled. He was going to go down there and there was just no talking him out of it.”

 

“But rescue never came.” She says, this new information just fuel to the fire. “The boat, it was all a set up. There were no helicopters. We’re still here.”

 

“I know that, and I don’t know why – “ he shakes his head, “That’s not the way it was supposed to happen.”

 

Her blue eyes narrow into little slits. “You ever think that maybe that’s all because you’re flashes are nothing more than dreams. That maybe you aren’t all knowing.” Her yells have caught the attention of some of the people closest to them, and he can see Hurley, and Sayid looking at them, the latter looking like he’s seconds from getting up and seeing what all the commotion is about. “Did you ever think of that?”

 

“They are real!” He insists, shouts. They have to be real; he has to believe this hasn’t all been for nothing. “You may not believe in them but I know that Charlie died a hero, and he died for you.”

 

“No,” she says, voice deathly quiet now, a stark contrast from just seconds ago. “He died for nothing.”

 

The sentence hangs there for a moment, and then with a shake of her head, she turns away and walks back down the beach. It’s fine with him, he could barely look at her, the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks, the hatred in her expression. She might never forgive him, and he has to live with that.

 

Charlie’s gone, because of what Desmond saw, and he’s got to live with that too. 

Comments

[bebitched.livejournal.com]

I love the confrontation between the two on them, how she blames him and how he blames himself.

"He died for nothing."

It breaks my heart to hear her say that, for her to believe that. The smudged letter was a nice touch. I'm not quite sure what you were so worried about.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well it is Desmond's fault, and I wouldn't put it past Claire to blame because in times like that you just need someone to blame in order to rationalize everything that you are feeling you know?

That line was the only thing I knew was going to be said when I came up with this story's concept -- it was getting there that was hard. I just don't think rescue is going to come right away -- maybe his death was just the beginning of a chain of events, but right afterwards it's not going to seem like anything.

I was worried because it was something I wrote in an hour or so, and didn't proofread since my father had told me to get off the computer, so I was very hurried.

Thanks so much for reading, I know I make you read through things a lot these days, but it means a lot that you take the time to do. *hugs*

[bebitched.livejournal.com]

I can definately see Claire blaming him, because it would be too painful for her to blame Charlie.

I really don't mind reading your stuff, especially since I don't exactly have anything you're distracting me from. You know after all that my mom's boss never call?

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

That bitch.

[bebitched.livejournal.com]

I know! I think my mom is gonna quit. Like, for real this time.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Wonderful.

[bebitched.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, I think she's been unhappy there for awhile so this thing with the letter is just the last straw.

[space-dementia6.livejournal.com]

I really loved this, it was so awesome.:) The plto was weel though -tout and you really rogressed and formed it on such a really smooth and exceelent way. The form of i was really weel done too.:)

It was awesome.!:D

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Aw, you read it, yay! This was really a spur of the moment idea I got at about one in the morning, trying to do something for the challenge and I just said the hell with it and typed it up this afternoon, so I'm glad you thought that the plot worked.

Thanks for reading!

[hendercats.livejournal.com]

This is the scene I tried to write and just couldn't - Claire confronting Des with all her grief and anger. You've an excellent grasp of Claire's voice throughout. Very nice work!

He doesn't bother to defend himself when she pauses
Yes, exactly so. This is what I'm certain will happen; she'll rip into him and he'll just take it because he's blaming himself for Charlie's death.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

It's funny that we had the same idea. Great minds and all that jazz. I've actually never written Desmond before though, so I had to do this Claire based (I'm very familiar with her), yet still fit the prompt.

I hope we get to see a scene like this but I'm not sure we will. I just have this feeling Desmond will take it, because he'll blame himself.

Thanks for reading!

[falafel-fiction.livejournal.com]

Good fic. I too am angry over Charlie's death and feel like it was all for nothing. The boat isn't a rescue boat and even when they get away it seems Jack wants to drag them all back to the island. I don't blame Desmond though. It's not his fault the universe had a sick obsession with killing Charlie.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I'm not necessarily angry so much as frustrated. And I think that whatever Desmond saw was actually the end of a long chain of events -- set in motion by Charlie's death -- that has little to do with the boat. I think this is more big picture.

And no, Desmond, as much as I hate to admit it, isn't to blame, though I'm not so sure he'll see it that way, you know.

Thanks for reading!

[falafel-fiction.livejournal.com]

I'm a little more bitter than that. I don't feel Charlies "death" set anything in motion. Charlie unjamming the transmissions or Charlie contacting Penny may have set important things in motion. Charlies death was just a needless tragedy. A waste of a good character. Poor Claire and Des.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Yeah that's true. Not his actual death, but the acts he commited prior to it.

[thebloodroses.livejournal.com]

"She slaps him. Hard, and fast, and it’ll leave a red mark in the shape of a hand for a few hours, but it isn’t permanent (and death is)." = BLOODY FUCKING HELL! A. It made me cry and B. it made me feel disgusted with myself as a writer for not being able to write something half as powerful.

This comment is turning out kind of weird, but what I mean to say is, this fanfic was most excellent! I was very impressed by your writing prowess and very moved. My only critique is that, honestly, I thought the end was a bit weak. I think it would've packed a much greater punch if you concluded with, "He died for nothing." Well, I guess that's it, then. Keep writing! <3

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well A) I'm glad it was emotional enough, but unhappy that it made you sad, and B) Do NOT put yourself down like that. It's not good to compare yourself.

Ah, someone who provides actual concrit. I actually thank you for mentioning that. Looking back I kind of tend to agree that I should've just stopped it there.

Thanks for reading!

[elise-509.livejournal.com]

I am very interested to see how Desmond tells Claire what happened with Charlie and the aftereffects of all of that on Desmond, so I really liked you pursuing that here. Both he and Charlie knew what was going to happen and while Charlie said his good-byes, he never gave Claire a chance to have hers. The fact that Claire was left in the dark and robbed of that will really make Desmond's guilt all the worse, and if rescue never comes, as you've imagined here, his guilt would be tremendous. I like what you've done here, and I also like your Claire voice very much. :) Nice work!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I am interested as well to see the conversation between the two of them, and the reaction Charlie's death causes from Claire. I thought it was a bit unfair that even though Claire knew that Desmond was having these visions she wasn't told that this could possibly be it for Charlie. I don't think it's right, and I think Desmond might see that as well.

I'm glad you thought my Claire voice was good, I've been trying to work at it.

Thanks for reading!

[tranquil-me.livejournal.com]

Well, i finally found some time to catch up on my reading list....

It always surprises me when it comes to premonitions and different future visions, that people simply don't see how such chains of events come to existence. Would Charlie actually die if he hadn't been told? I think not. Cause the more you're trying to escape something, paradoxically, the more you're pushing yourself towards it. So despite my huge love for Des I'm more than sure the truth and honesty on his part was a huge mistake. I'll be missing Charlie....

You know how much I love your writing, right? I hasn't changed. You've got penchant for making brilliant characterisations. I definitely feel for Claire.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean with playing catch up. I've got like 20 fics to read, and absolutely no time.

That's actually interesting way of putting it you know. I think you're much better with words than I am. I don't think he should've told Charlie he would die either, mostly because I kind of don't think he would've and that makes me sad.

I'm glad you liked this, and are still into my writing. A lot of my previous regular reviewers seem to either be busy or just not into my stuff anymore so it's good to see I haven't lost you yet. I'm also happy that you liked my Claire (and I hope Desmond wasn't too bad either, because truthfully that was my first time writing him, and probably will be the last for awhile, as I have a hard time).

Thanks for reading!

[tranquil-me.livejournal.com]

You know, rl got a lil' bit complicated. Missed the deadline for my course paper, thank god my professor is an angel and made an exception for me extending the deadline till the end of July (the term ended June 30th, mind you, which means she gave me my grade and warned not to bring any crap whatsoever, which is amazing)so I still have to write it. Trauma studies, you see. I'll have to reseat one exam in September and I promissed myself to do something more with my arabic....so....it's kind of difficult to be doing all this, work, and get some sleep. But I'm trying to make my best. As for my holiday to-do list, reading is in my top three, I'm currently rewatching Lost (like I don't have anything else to do!)so I'll definitely read your previous stories, the older ones as well. I may not be into any particular pairings but there's just nothing better than a well-written, thoroughly captivating story. So, hoping I won't screw up anything else, there will be some time for serious reading and reviewing!

And thank you for the compliment! That's positively the nicest thing I heard for a while, though I bet majority of my flist would disagree. :D

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

You must have one hell of a professor. And sleep and work first, fic later, though I do appreciate you taking any time you do to read my stuff.

And since I know you're not into any particular pairings or anything, if you had any ideas for something you'd like to see written, you know like character-wise, I'm accepting prompts so feel free to let me know if you're interested.

[tranquil-me.livejournal.com]

Oh, but I'm an evil, evil person! I was just hoping you would say it cause I didn't want to push you in any way!!! :D

I'd just love to see Jules and Desmond interacting with each other, something none of the writers here gave much thought to, as far as I know. It would be intersting to see how those proud but bruised people break past their own defences and come to realise there's less "otherness" in the other than they'd think. What do you think?

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Juliet and Desmond...it has possibilities. It might not be done tomorrow or something real quick, because it'll take some thought, but I definitly think I can write it. Any specific prompts (words, songs, whatever, I take what I can get)? They aren't necessary however.

Great idea!

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

I liked this:) Granted, I don't know much about the Lost plotline (except that Charlie died, which irked me but I've stated that already). I can see all of this happening as I read it though.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

How much do i love you for reading this even though you don't really watch Lost? A lot.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and saw it as realistic. Thanks for reading!

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

It has Charlie/Claire...how could I not;) It was my first and probably only LOST ship.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well there's a chance I might write more with them in the future, despite his untimely demise. It's sad because I really haven't been into them for the past two years, and now suddenly I am into them again. Ironic. And you know if you are really interested in them [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] writes some very good C/C.

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

I'll have to check that out:)

I'll be reading whenever you post:)

AU is wonderful isn't it:)

[sapphire-child.livejournal.com]

"He died for nothing."

Omigosh I think you just broke my heart...

This was so sad, so terribly terribly sad. I really felt for Desmond in this but I also think that Claire's anger is more than justified. I can't wait to see how they play this out on the show but I certainly loved this!

[sapphire-child.livejournal.com]

And I just realised that you recced my fics to someone! Oh wow, thank you so much! ^____^

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well you are the go-to person for all things Charlie/Claire IMO. I rec what I love.

[sapphire-child.livejournal.com]

Haha, well I am an obsessive C/C nut so that would probably be why. Thanks again! ^_^

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time feeling for Desmond at all, I've got...issues with his character, and so writing this was so hard. I'm really glad to hear it had some effect on you. And Claire should be angry, she got really screwed over in this, she has every right.

I'm glad you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading!

[sapphire-child.livejournal.com]

I cannot wait to see angry!Claire on the show. If she goes all mopey I think I might just scream.

Incidentally, I've almost finished your fic request! You can expect it to be posted soon ^_^

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Yay for fic! I can't wait to read it, I'm sure it will be fabulous!

[pacejunkie.livejournal.com]

Claire got screwed over but so did Charlie. He only went to his death because Desmond told him he had to. If he had only told him it was his destiny to unjam the signal and nothing else, Charlie would have fought harder to survive and the end result would have been the same. Instead Desmond said "you have to die". He's going to have a hard time living with that decision considering he already carries so much guilt on his shoulders for every costly decision in his life. Good fic.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

It is going to be interesting next season to see the guilt Desmond feels over Charlie's death. I have no doubt it will be pretty hard for him.

Thanks for reading!