(no subject)

[slybrunette]

Title: Not Alone
Fandom: Lost
Character: Kate. Appearance by Sayid.
Prompt: #60 - Lonely
Word Count: 1099
Rating: PG
Summary: Takes place in between 2.09 and 2.15. Kate thinks Sayid is lonely, after Shannon's death.

In the weeks after Shannon’s death nobody saw much of Sayid. He seemed reclusive, and the only other person she saw him have any interaction with was Charlie. They were building something. It could’ve been a wall, it could’ve been a dining room table, for all she knew. What she did know was it served the purpose of keeping both men busy, while being useful at the same time.

 

Charlie often disappeared when night fell. She wasn’t sure where he went and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She did however see Sayid, always in the same place, always sitting staring into the fire. When she couldn’t sleep at night, which was more often than not, she would often watch him. It must be awful, she thought, finding someone and then having that person taken away just as you had gotten comfortable. It must be lonely.

 

And that’s why, even though she’d barely spoken to him in the past twenty-odd days, she started going to him at night. He didn’t seem to acknowledge her presence at first, but it also didn’t seem unwanted. He would stare into the fire like she would stare into the ocean. With a look like he could stay here forever. She always wondered where exactly he went but she didn’t ask. She didn’t mind that he wasn’t much for talking either. It gave her time to think.

 

On the fifth night, he broke his focus, and looked over at her, for the first time, “Is there something that you need, Kate?”

 

She brought her knee up, rested her chin atop it. “You looked lonely. I thought there’s no harm in keeping you company.” It wasn’t like she had much else to do. Jack had decided that the hatch shift schedule needed to be changed and as a result she hadn’t seen the inside of the underground compound in well over a week.

 

He was quiet for a time, a question on his lips, “Does this have anything to do with Shannon’s death?” There was a small, almost undetectable wince on the name.

 

“No…sort of,” she found the way his eyes bore into her forced honesty, “yeah, alright, it does.” Her eyes questioned his next move, what he would say to that. But he didn’t say anything, something she was quickly becoming accustomed to. He opted instead to return his gaze back to the fire.

 

A week later, her and Jack had a falling out. She’d found out about their prisoner and given him hell for being a hypocrite and telling her not to lie. Now she spent some days with Sayid, as well as nights. She’d learned him and Charlie were actually building a wall around camp, for protective purposes. Occasionally she helped them with it.

 

“I take it you two are no longer an item.” He asked, pausing before the last word, as if unsure of its use.

 

It made her laugh, “We never were.” She wasn’t lying. Whatever her and Jack had, if anything at all, did not quite qualify as a romantic relationship. Mostly because when he’d tried she didn’t, and when she was finally interested he was too busy with other things. It was a cycle that repeated constantly.

 

“And Sawyer?”

 

Another lovely topic to be brought up. There were possibly worse off than her and Jack. After the incident with the guns she had broken ties with him yet again. She saw no need to continue to play his games and made that perfectly clear. Kate was about to tell Sayid just that when she thought of something else. “Why are you asking me about my love life?”

 

“Perhaps I still wonder why you choose me to spend your time with.” She was going to give him the same line she’d used earlier on but he saw that coming. “If I were truly lonely I would seek others out whether I wanted to or not. Yet I stay secluded because I wish to.”

 

His words hit home, and she averted his gaze. He was forcing her to admit something to herself that she had previously refused to. With ties severed with both Jack and Sawyer she was more or less alone. And as he said instinct forced her to seek out others. “Maybe you’re not the lonely one.” The words lingered in the air, uncomfortably. “But telling myself you are is easier.”

 

He kept his eyes on her, steady and purposeful, “You are not alone on this island. No one is. Not unless you think you are.”

 

She let his words sink in, let herself process them. Then, without allowing herself to think about what she was doing, she leaned toward him, closing the space between them, and meeting his lips with her own. His lips weren’t as full as Sawyer’s had been, nor as soft as Jack’s, but they still gave her the same sense that she could lose herself right here and that would be just fine. Had she felt something for him, something more than friendship, she might just have let herself go.

 

It was over before it could really become anything that would leave the question of ‘what did this mean’. She pulled back from him, exhaling out a breath she had been holding, and waited for him to react. He looked at her, trying to read what she was thinking from her eyes, from her body language, and she remembered that Sayid is really good at reading people. This is one scenario in which that’s a good thing because it saves her from having to explain what the kiss was about if he can just figure out for himself.

 

Kate can nail the moment when he realized that she was only looking for comfort, and the knowledge that there was indeed somebody tangible that was there. Her actions didn’t have anything to do with love, or any kind of romantic interest. She was simply tired of being lonely. He shook his head, and looked up to the night sky, willing to let this go.

 

Almost inaudibly, she whispered, “Thanks, Sayid.” It’s a thanks for the pep talk as well as the reassurance she found in his kiss.  She’s not alone and by the look in his eyes as he stares into blank space, neither is he. Maybe he still feels Shannon’s with him, or maybe it’s someone else entirely different. She wants to know, but can’t ask. So slowly she rose, looking back at him again, before leaving his side, and going back to her tent, feeling less like she’s alone in this.