(no subject)

[slybrunette]

Title: Perfect
Fandom: Lost
Characters/Pairings: Kate/Sayid
Prompt: zelda_zee  wanted Sayid fic, but also for #72 - Pensive at 100moods
Word Count: 1,069
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sayid is the person she wonders the most about after they get off the island.

Sayid is the one person she wonders the most about after they get off the island.

 

Of course, that’s not to say he’s the person that she thinks about the most (he’s not), it’s just that her thoughts will wander and she’ll end up in some daydream of how things could’ve turned out differently if it had been him that had taken Sawyer or Jack’s place in that fucked-up triangle that she’s all but done with now.

 

He’s a missed opportunity, Kate thinks, sometimes, and that’s never quite sat well with her.

 

She sees him at a gathering once. It’s not a reunion, since only thirteen of them show up. Hurley organizes it, Hurley who still hasn’t quite let go and let the past just be the past, who wants to keep this mismatched and broken little group together. He gives up after this one.

 

He’s across the room, talking to Sawyer. She’d go up and talk to him, say her hellos, be polite, but she can’t, because this entire time she’s been avoiding the hell out of Sawyer. She doesn’t want to see him, doesn’t want to talk to him, doesn’t want to rehash the mess they’ve made. So she stays in her corner, chatting with Sun, making the appropriate remarks and keeping up with the conversation, even if it’s going in one ear and out the next. Her mind is only half there.

 

It’s after everyone splits up, just over three hours after this party began, that she finally catches up with him. Or, to be correct, he catches up with her.

 

“Kate.” It’s a disembodied voice in the dark, before he steps out of the shadows and into the dim light of the street lamps.

 

He startles her. She hadn’t heard him coming up behind her. “Hey.”

 

“I thought you had left a while ago.” He says. She’d slipped out twenty minutes ago, thinking she was ready to go home. She wasn’t. Something had held her there.

 

“Just needed some fresh air.” There’s nothing fresh about this air, but she breathes it in all the same, if just to prove her story.

 

 It doesn’t matter though. He knows she’s lying, and she knows that he knows. Sayid’s always been able to see right through people, she knows that now. It makes her wish that they’d listened to them all those times when they’d gone along with Jack or Locke, all those times when something had gone wrong. She thinks it might have saved a few lives.

 

He smiles anyway, doesn’t call her on it. He picks his battles, and here the why isn’t important. “Don’t stay out here too long.”

 

“Worried about me?” She asks, wryly.

 

“I would worry about anyone in the middle of Los Angeles at night.” It reminds her of Jack, and then at the same time it just contrasts them. Jack, if he was here (she doesn’t know where he is; he didn’t show), would’ve all but forced her into her car and home, because he thought she couldn’t take care of herself, or at least that’s the way he acted. Sayid won’t do that. He might warn her, but he won’t try to control her. “Good night, Kate.”

 

It’s odd that this is probably the last time they’ll see each other, and all he says is ‘good night’. It seems like there would be more left to say. He probably doesn’t think all that much about her, about the island. He’s done enough shit in his life, had enough bad experiences that he’s probably learned to push them away. She’s had experiences she’d rather forget too. Difference is she can’t just ignore them. She dreams about them, both at night and in the day.

 

This will not be another thing she dreams about, another ‘what if’.

 

“Sayid,” she says, getting him to stop in his tracks, and turn around. Of course now the problem is she doesn’t know what she wanted to say. Or what she wants to say out loud. She settles on, “Do you ever wonder what life would be like now if things had been different on the island?”

 

He frowns, nearly imperceptibly, and tells her, “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

 

It’s her badly worded question. They all wonder about if things had been different. Just not necessarily in the ways she’s thinking of. “I mean if you hadn’t been with Shannon…” she stops as she watches something flicker in his eyes, and she realizes Shannon still isn’t a topic he’s very fond of. Another skeleton in the closet.

 

Even so, he picks up where she leaves off, “And you hadn’t spent all your time attempting to capture Jack and Sawyer’s attentions?”

 

She looks down, blushes, because it sounds so stupid. Why is she even thinking about it now, over a year after the fact? It’s too late for anything to be done about it.

 

“I do.” This surprises her. Kate looks back up at him, finds him looking straight at her. He’s not embarrassed or nervous at all by the topic. She always thought he would be. It hits her that there’s a lot she doesn’t know about him. “But that’s not who we are anymore. We can think about what could’ve been but it will never change anything.”

 

“I know,” she replies, quietly. “No going back, right?”

 

“Right.”

 

She lets him leave then. She never says goodbye or good night. She doesn’t feel the need to. Kate stays there until she hears him drive off, and then she gets in her own car with a heavy heart.

 

Kate can look in the rearview mirror, see herself in the faint lights. She doesn’t see a girl who needs to use people to her advantage, to use them against each other (and that was it with Jack and Sawyer wasn’t it?). She doesn’t see a girl who takes unnecessary risks just to prove herself. She sees a woman who knows she can take of herself, who’s accepted her flaws and tried to stop running. And she sees a woman who wished she’d taken the other road, the one less traveled.

 

They would’ve been perfect, she thinks, as she starts the car. They would’ve brought out the best in each other, and they sure as hell wouldn’t be where they are right now.

 

Of course, things don’t usually work out the way you think they will.  

Comments

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

Interesting Kate fic. And another great ending line.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

This is totally not what I had planned on writing, but things really kind of just write themselves these days. I'm happy the ending line worked though :)

Thanks for reading this!

[ladybeth.livejournal.com]

hehe:) Don't you love it when that happens:)

Ok..must stop using smilies so much.

[inthekeyofd.livejournal.com]

Sayid totally has her number.

And thank you so much for this TOTAL LINE OF TRUTH..

to use them against each other (and that was it with Jack and Sawyer wasn’t it?).

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

He does have her number. He has a lot of people's actually.

I had to put that in there. You know, I'm a shipper actually for both of those ships to a degree, but it's interesting how easily I seem to be able to turn my back on them lately. But it is truth in some ways. She uses them both, a lot.

Thanks for reading this, and liking it!

[zelda-zee.livejournal.com]

Sayid is a missed opportunity for Kate. I've always thought she could be a stronger person with him than she is with Jack and Sawyer.

I love her thoughts at the end, thinking that it would have been perfect with Sayid. There's always that one who got away, and one always wonders how good it would have been with them and I can so easily imagine Kate having those thoughts about Sayid.

This is a moody, lonely fic, very true to character and so well-written. I really liked it a lot. Thank you!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

That's exactly what he is. I know that a long time ago, when the show first started, the triangle was supposed to involve Sayid, not Sawyer, and I've always wondered how that would've worked out.

You know, you always look at that one that got away and have these fantasies that absolutely would not be reality, but you always think it could've worked, and it would've been perfect.

This idea has been in my head for awhile and your prompt gave me the opportunity to finally write it, so thank you for the prompt, and I'm really glad you liked this!

[bebitched.livejournal.com]

This is so true to their characters, to the "what could have been" vibe of the show, and of Kate and Sayid. Because things would have been alot different if they'd gone with the Jack/Kate/Sayid triangle instead. Kate wouldn't have had that metaphorical pull toward the Wayne side of her and I think alot of the current issues with her character (the fact that it doesn't exist anymore) wouldn't be there. It would have been a more interesting (IMO) dynamic of, like you said, Sayid willing to let her make her own mistakes (even if the Jater side of me still thinks she needs someone to guide her some days). See, now you've gotten me all contemplate-y. All this is to say, good job!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well the best thing I writer can do is get someone thinking after reading their fic, so that's really quite a complement you just paid me. I'm glad you liked this!

[raisingirl99.livejournal.com]

I liked this very much.

I love the way you write Sayid -- his dialogue, your descriptions of him, and Kate's perceptions of him. I also liked the Shannon reference. Even though I've grown to hate Shannon/Sayid, it was a nice touch; and I can definitely see him reacting that way.

It reminds her of Jack, and then at the same time it just contrasts them. Jack, if he was here (she doesn’t know where he is; he didn’t show), would’ve all but forced her into her car and home, because he thought she couldn’t take care of herself, or at least that’s the way he acted. Sayid won’t do that. He might warn her, but he won’t try to control her.

Interesting. I'm especially glad about the "at least that's the way he acted" part, because I think it's true. At least, to me, it's not so much that Jack doesn't think she can take care of herself, it's that he feels the need/responsibility to take care of everyone else; but it doesn't always come across that way. Anyway, just a very interesting look at Jack and Sayid.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

See I'm always nervous with Sayid -- I never know if I'm writing him right. And I'm not a Shannon/Sayid shipper (you can tell because I've never written them) but you have to bring her into things because she was a big part of his experience on the island.

Well I do think that he thinks she can take care of herself, he just doesn't act like it. But the two of them are fun to compare.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading!

[tinkerbell99.livejournal.com]

I just love the way you wrote Sayid here. I love that he doesn't use a whole lot of words which is very true to character. The fact that he was going to walk away saying only good night says a lot about him - that there should be more to say, but that it wouldn't matter - you can't change the past. Kate and Sayid intrigue me. It seems that in the beginning of the show there was almost something there that never developed. I love how Kate's wondering 'what if' - I kind of do, too.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well this comes out of the fact that I've always wondered what if they had gotten together, what if the triangle was different, and I just wanted to find some way to put that in story form. It's just a bit hard, because you're right, and he isn't very wordy.

I'm glad you liked this, and thanks for reading!

[halfdutch.livejournal.com]

Ahh, bittersweet missed chances. I really liked this.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!

[aurilly.livejournal.com]

This one is wonderful, too! (sorry am stalking your journal, as yours is the only Kate/Sayid fic I can really find, and you do it so well)

I love the last line, and I love how he surprises her by also saying that he thinks about them sometimes. And I also love those typical Sayid non-answers, like “I would worry about anyone in the middle of Los Angeles at night.”

You do such a great job of capturing Sayid's voice!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks! There's actually a few other authors out there, it's just all hidden you know -- it's been awhile. I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!