(no subject)

[slybrunette]

Title: Something To Hold Onto
Fandom: Lost
Characters/Pairings: Sun, Kate
Word Count: 711
Rating: PG
Prompt: isis2015 wanted Sun fic at lostsquee. Also for #28 - Touch at slash_100
Author's Note: Second/third (?) time writing Sun POV, go easy on me.
Summary: Set during "There's No Place Like Home Pt. 1"; flashforward. This is what they have to do. That doesn't mean she agrees with it.

It’s the second knock on her door in less than half an hour.

 

The first one, twenty minutes ago, was louder, more forceful, agitated as time went on, finally giving up on the fifth try, when she still hadn’t answered. Sun knew who it was. She just had no interest in conversation right now.

 

The second one, this one, is lighter and lacking in rhythm. That of a different person, she notes, and takes a moment to guess before her head starts spinning again and her stomach lurches and this is why she’s been in the near vicinity of the toilet for at least the last forty-five minutes.

 

She will not ask who it is and she will do this quietly.

 

Apparently, she won’t even have to ask.

 

“Sun.” Kate’s voice is quiet, tentative, nothing like the woman herself, and there’s a long pause before, “I’m not here because of Jack, I just wanted to make sure everything is okay.”

 

It is not an instinctual response to tell her to come in; in fact it is quite the opposite of that. Her gut says to deal with this later. To compose herself and do all this later. They still have time, a few hours here, then the plane, then the press conference. There’s time, just not as much as she’d like. Of course she’d prefer to never have to do this but there’s no backing out now. This is what they have to do.

 

That does not mean she agrees with it.

 

But it’s Kate, who probably isn’t any more comfortable with this than she is, but for different reasons, and so she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, flushes the toilet, and calls a too weak and far too exhausted, “come in.”

 

Kate stops at the doorway to the bathroom. “This isn’t morning sickness is it.” Not a question but a statement and therefore Sun doesn’t grace it with an answer. This has nothing to do with the baby. This has everything to do with what they’re doing. This has everything to do with how in a few hours she has to tell the world that her husband never survived the crash, how she has to ignore everything that happened to them on the island, like they never found peace and, to a degree, found each other once more.

 

It cheapens things somehow, reduces everything that happened on the island to a series of lies, even dreams they tell themselves at night to help them sleep.

 

“Jack told me you didn’t answer.” There’s that hesitant tone again, like she knows to tread carefully. “He’s worried about you, you know.”

 

She knows this. But, just for right now, she needs to be selfish and disregard that because she thinks about him, she thinks about these lies that they’ve all concocted, that he pushed them to come up with, and it makes her sick. And that only leads back to the cold, porcelain toilet in front of her and she feels empty enough without that. “I thought this wasn’t about Jack.”

 

“It’s not. I just -- I understand why you’re doing this but...if he could’ve saved everyone he would’ve. You and I both know that.”

 

Sun closes her eyes against her next words, opening them again when it only makes her world tilt more. “He is asking me to give up my memories, to lie. He is asking me to leave Jin behind.”

 

She’s already done that once. She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to get up in front of all those people and do it again.

 

Her eyes sting with unshed tears, like sharp needle pricks at the corners of her eyes, as her hand unconsciously falls to rest on her stomach, searching for the last thing she has of him, the thing she can’t feel yet.

 

What she does feel is a hand on her back. Gentle at first, then more relaxed as Kate rubs soothing circles on her back, kneeling on the cold tile next to her. There aren’t any words, they’re don’t need to be, there’s just touch, a basic sense, and it’s something, someone, to grasp onto in all of this mess, this gray area between the truth and the lies.

It’s something real.

Comments

[isis2015.livejournal.com]

I love that even when Kate says she isn't going to talk about Jack, she does, that she feels the need to defend him. It feels so true to her, as does the fact that, at this point in canon, Sun really doesn't want to hear it. Her reasons for being angry with Jack are understandable. She did seem quite closed off and obviously inwardly upset at the press conference, so this could very well have happened before hand.

Very well done. You know I love these two together.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Sun did not look comfortable in the press conference at all and that is part of what sparked this. That and my utter inability to get my muse in gear today. I guess I'm really, really lucky that you like these two together then :)

I'm glad it is pleasing to the queen *bows* Thanks for reading and for reviewing hun!

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Ah, this is so sad. And so true. That really is what they have done. :( Nicely done.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

They've...made a total utter mess of the whole situation and i just don't understand why. Which is part of where this comes from. Also my desire to reason out why Sun is so mad at Jack.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing hun!

[inthekeyofd.livejournal.com]

I can totally see this being a part of canon and I can see Sun's reasoning at being angry at Jack, there is such a sadness to Sun, and not just because of Jin, I think she's almost the emotional part of Lost, as if Hurley was more serious..it would be Sun.

Very well done!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Sun is the emotional part, I agree. She is the heart, to me at least. You can emphathize with her, no matter what your feelings towards her.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

[elliotsmelliot.livejournal.com]

Excellent work. You shouldn't feel shy of your Sun POV. It was excellent, especially when she chides Kate about Jack. As always, you did a great job with Kate too, showing two of her many sides: Kate, Jack's side kick and Kate, the friend.

“He is asking me to give up my memories, to lie. He is asking me to leave Jin behind.”

Exactly. And what does their silence buy them?

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I think I'm better at Kate, lol, perhaps why she bleeds through in this a bit more than I intended.

And what does their silence buy them?

You know I would really love the answer to that question because whole thing seems very...pointless.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[alemyrddin.livejournal.com]

I liked this. It seems something Kate would do - attempting comfort while talking of the only thing Sun doesn't want to talk about.
And Sun's reaction rings completely true.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Kate likes to put her foot in her mouth sometimes, doesn't she? She pushes a little too far here but then backs off.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[janie-tangerine.livejournal.com]

This was excellent. Sun was completely spot on, I could totally see this happening before the conference. Kate was completely IC, defending Jack even when he isn't the point of the matter while conforting Sun as best as she can. I really liked it!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you thought I wrote both of them well, since I do kind of struggle with Sun.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[luna481516.livejournal.com]

This was a nice "Missing Piece" and could be one of those mobisodes they did last fall. It hadn't occurred to me that forbidding the O6 from talking about the real island with others would rob them somehow of those memories, but of course Sun, returning to Korea, would have none of the other Losties to share with on a regular basis.

Her eyes sting with unshed tears, like sharp needle pricks at the corners of her eyes, as her hand unconsciously falls to rest on her stomach, searching for the last thing she has of him, the thing she can’t feel yet. That was a very evocative description and shows so well how much in limbo and lost Sun finds herself.

I loved the Sun/Kate friendship and I like your Sun/Kate icon too!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

In a sense they made them say all that they'd gotten back, all that had changed them, on that island, never existed or never happened and while it isn't actually taking away those memories, it's something like that. They become things you can't tell to anyone.

Hee, the icon's a personal favorite of mine too, thanks.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[lenina20.livejournal.com]

So, so beautiful. I liked a lot your Sun in here, angry and heartbroken. I'm glad she can find comfort in Kate, even if only for a second. You wrote that wonderfully - the need and the sympathy. Great Sun and great fic! :D

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

You know that's why we have friends. To pick us back up when we don't remember how to, when we can't, and the idea of Kate and Sun turning to each other in times like that has always intrigued me.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing hun!

[demonqueen666.livejournal.com]

It cheapens things somehow, reduces everything that happened on the island to a series of lies, even dreams they tell themselves at night to help them sleep.

This was great. I could really see Sun having this sort of reaction, feeling this way about it, and it helps to lead into the cold woman she becomes later once time has set in. Right now she isn't so bitter over it as she is sick and unhappy, but we know how that will change.

“He is asking me to give up my memories, to lie. He is asking me to leave Jin behind.”

I could hear her voice saying this. For someone who says they haven't done Sun POV much before, you really do have a grasp on her character.

I think also what you did with Kate was right on, because she has this history with Sun but right now she's still clinging to Jack so she would probably try to defend him and play his side. There's almost this sort of subtle hurty undertone, like the two of them are more worried about what Sun might say than actually about Sun. But I could see that too, in canon. They're somewhat self-centered creatures.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well there are stages of grief. I think the sadness comes before the anger, hence why something like this did probably lead to this bitter badass we know now.

The thing with her POV is I don't write it, but I do a lot of Kate+(/)Sun based stories and so I write her enough that I can...fake it I guess. Dialogue is easier for me than thought process.

As for Kate, she doesn't defend Jack still, to a degree, I think it's kind of instinct, but she also knows that this is not what Sun needs to hear about right now. Good on you for picking up that they are a bit more worried, or at least Jack is, about what she will say. That's exactly where I'm going with this.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and lovely such a lovely review!

[gottalovev.livejournal.com]

you have the both of them so well here, it sounds like it has been lifted up directly from canon. I understand Sun's anger though, how it makes her sick... well done!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to get more accustomed to trying to fit things into canon, case in point this. It's easy with the littler stuff, the scenes that there is no evidence with which to disprove. So I'm glad you thought it fit :)

I'm thrilled that you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[elise-509.livejournal.com]

This is so sad and aching, and perfectly written. This small moment of comfort between Kate and Sun seems like a very real moment. :)

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad it felt real to you, as I was definitely trying to make it as realistic as possible :)

Thanks for reading and reviewing hun!

[hendercats.livejournal.com]

I like that Kate's comforting Sun - all tentative and awkward at first, then relaxing and really trying to give comfort. Nice.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well Kate isn't really the comforting type I don't think. She's a doer, not a thinker, and that doesn't really lend itself to comforting people. Plus she clearly has the need to defend Jack here, just a bit, so I think it would be something like that, at least in my head.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[maeby-surely.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I got a little chill reading this. Sun's face during that press conference was definitely something that stayed on my mind and this works with it beautifully.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Her face -- well it wasn't something I would describe as happy, calm, or content, so I know there's a story behind it somewhere.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[siluria]

Sun's reaction is very believable, and I like Kate's role in this too. It's very well handled, and beautifully written!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Aw thank you hun! I'm so glad you think so!

[zelda-zee.livejournal.com]

You do a great job here of capturing Sun's feelings about the big lie. This is exactly how I imagine she would feel about it and her reaction is perfectly IC. Very nice job!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I always feel I'm not very good at Sun and the way she thinks/reacts but it was fun to try and get into her head.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[astra2104.livejournal.com]

I always love kate more in fics than in canon, and yours is no exception. This is such a nice image to end with, Kate comforting Sun, it really makes me wanna read more about them.

♥

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I do too. In canon she irritates me nowadays. But I'm glad my fic worked for you :)

Thanks for reading and reviewing!