(no subject)

[slybrunette]

Title: There's Nothing In This Room But Empty Space
Fandom: Lost
Characters/Pairings: Sawyer/Claire, Jack
Word Count: 840
Rating: R
Prompt: superduperkc wanted her normal, totally crack!pairings, and this is the first one I have in reply to that.
Summary: Future fic. It's day one hundred and eight.

She hates waking up in here.

 

He always keeps the blinds closed, never letting so much as a ray of sunlight in. Every time she opens them she finds them closed again soon afterwards.

 

In her opinion it only makes things look gloomy; fits his mood as of late if nothing else.

 

He groans, shifts, never touching her, and she waits for that damn alarm to go off.

 

It’s day one hundred and eight.

 

---

 

Sawyer’s never been the best cook.

 

She perches herself on the counter, clear of the cabinets overheard and watches him do silly domestic things like make toast and read the newspaper (he has decent glasses now, real ones, but they don’t make her laugh; he doesn’t make her laugh anymore).

 

“You’re going to be late,” she practically sings, across from him at the table, and he just flips past the business section.

 

Right. He doesn’t care.

 

---

 

There isn’t much to do while he’s gone.

 

She showers, right after he leaves, drawing silly symbols in the fogged up bathroom mirrors (they always disappear before he can see them) and then she curls up with a book or idles around the apartment.

 

Claire doesn’t go out. People ignore her, on the streets, in buildings, everywhere, and it frightens her. Maybe they know who she is; maybe having one of them, one of the survivors of that flight that’s caused so much controversy, scares them a bit too (Sawyer never seems to have that problem).

 

Maybe Los Angeles just isn’t for her.

 

She wishes he’d move out of the city.

 

---

 

Today he comes home early.

 

The mail sits on the counter, her spot from earlier. Something is late or underpaid judging by the red.

 

“How was work?” His head’s in the fridge, he grabs a beer, never answers. “That good huh?”

 

He checks the answering machine; she’d ignored the ringing phone an hour ago.

 

“Hey, it’s Kate, I just wanted to – “

 

He punches delete and the voice disappears.

 

She frowns. “That’s a little hasty isn’t it? She’s just checking up on you?”

 

“Dammit,” he mutters, shaking his head, too-deep breath. Then he palms his pack of cigarettes out of the shirt pocket and she knows where this is going.

 

---

 

Sawyer must hit redial ten times. No answer. Still he keeps calling.

 

“This is stupid,” she tells him, choking on cigarette smoke that gets blown in her direction (he always smokes when he calls Jack). He glares at the wall. It makes her grab that clock and contemplate throwing it at him. Just to get some reaction out of him.

 

“Jack pick the fucking phone up,” he yells into the phone, apparently to an answering machine. He waits, hangs up, tries again, rinse, repeat.

 

Except this time he gets an answer.

 

“It’s today, right?”

 

She draws her legs up to her chest, curls in on herself in the chair. She doesn’t want to look at him.

 

“Kate called.”

 

She wishes she could hear what Jack was saying. She hasn’t heard his voice in so long.

 

“Four.” The cigarette burns down; he stubs it out, lights another. “She doesn’t get it.”

 

Kate’s the ‘she’ in question, not Claire. But she doesn’t know what ‘it’ is. Or what is four, what they’re marking. “What is this about?” She asks, even though she knows she won’t get an answer with the phone pressed to his ear.

 

“Like you don’t.” He just sounds bitter. Bitter and sad and she leaves the room to get away from it. It’s suffocating in there.

 

This place is suffocating.

 

And she waits for him to get off the phone. All she does is wait.

 

---

 

“Don’t do this Sawyer. It had nothing to with you – it could’ve happened on anybody’s watch.” Jack’s voice rings surprisingly clear across the phone. He’s not drunk yet. He’s getting better about that.

 

“Like you don’t,” he loses the rest of his sentence, finds it in the next puff of smoke. “Like you don’t beat yourself up over every little thing you do wrong.”

 

Jack’s laugh is rough. “That got me real far didn’t it?”

 

Sawyer nods to no one, letting out a heavy sigh and, “Four fucking years, Doc.”

 

“He can’t help that it’s his birthday.” Which isn’t his meaning at all. Worse yet, Jack knows that. His tone makes the shift back to serious again. “It makes me think about her too, you know.”

 

Their conversation won’t last much longer. They never do. Soon Sawyer will make an excuse and they’ll hang up and pretend this conversation never occurred.

 

He’ll go to bed and close his eyes and try to forget that he’s alone and it’s been nearly four years since he did the same damn thing, in a jungle somewhere, only to wake up and find he’d lost her.

 

Sometimes he tries to convince himself that he can reverse it, that he’ll wake up and she’ll have come back.

 

But she won’t. Alive or dead, she’s on that island, somewhere, not here.

 

And he’s alone. 

Comments

oh, clever!

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Speaking of knocking you off the edge of your seat! Holy mac & cheese that ending!

I love it. It's depressing alright, you weren't kidding about that, but man! Poor Claire! Poor Sawyer! Poor everyone!

And I have to say you've written this so well. Until that last bit, I had no idea where this was going. Even with the mention of how nobody notices her, but they do notice Sawyer. Very, very well-played. Clever and awesome!

Re: oh, clever!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it seems like it's going nowhere. It reads like bad fic I guess, OOC, but the end is supposed to change that. I'm glad it did, and that it made sense but was still surprising.

I'm so relieved that you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[gigglemonster.livejournal.com]

Aw my heart hurts from reading this!
The whole time I was wondering why Sawyer was just completely ignoring her, cuz that made me especially sad.
But the ending, wow, that really is very clever!
It makes everything come together and really packs a punch. Plus it's beautifully written as always :)

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I tried to keep the dialogue to a minimum because I really just wanted to make it look like he was ignoring her. It makes the end better I think.

I'm glad you liked this hun! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[bebitched.livejournal.com]

Why hello mind fuck. How are you today?

Definitely one of those fics that you go back and reread, just to take in all the little details again. This line: he has decent glasses now, real ones, but they don’t make her laugh; he doesn’t make her laugh anymore made my heart ache. Well done!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

You are the one who will understand this: that What Sarah Said video? That's where this came from. So this is your fault I believe, for bringing it up.

But yeah, the end's a gamechanger isn't it?

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[bebitched.livejournal.com]

Okay, now that you mention it, I see the resemblance. Is that what that video is all about? I never really got it completely.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well she's trying to talk to him but he can't hear her because she isn't really there. I think he's mourning her death but I don't think she really knows she's gone; either that or, when you take the words she's writing into consideration, she thinks that the reason he can't hear her is that he doesn't love her enough. The words at the end read: he loves me not at all.

[lenina20.livejournal.com]

oooooooooh -spooky! I so loved this. The mystery works perfectly were and it's amazing how the ending makes the fic progress in such a way. Clare breaks my hearts throughout the fic - but then it's Sawyer at the end who makes me want to cry. It so sad - so sad that he blames himself for that. So amazing that she is with him. I love it. I love it so much! :D wow!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

The ending...well it changes things, which is exactly what I wanted. Kind of turns it on it's head.

I'm glad that you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing hun!

[alemyrddin.livejournal.com]

ghost!Claire, oh, that was unexpected!

I loved it. So sad, for Sawyer, Jack and even for Claire, but I loved that Sawyer and Jack were sort of friends.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Glad it was unexpected; that's exactly what I wanted.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[eponine119.livejournal.com]

Wow, nice twist there! Such great work and so well told.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks hun! This is something I really had to think through.

I'm glad you liked this!

[toestastegood.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's so heart-breaking and clever! I was a bit silly and glanced at the comments before I started actually reading the fic itself (which is a bit daft and is like flicking to the end of a book before you start reading it) so it was a different reading experience for me, going through it and picking up on all of those hints that you laced through it to show that it's ghost!Claire. Really nicely done.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, I'm someone who reads the end before I start. I know it ruins the surprise but I think it helps you pick up on all the little details -- it's different but I don't think that's a bad thing.

I'm really glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[failoh.livejournal.com]

Smart, spooky, a little sweet (Claire looking over him from wherever she is) and very touching.

Beautiful and atmospheric, lovely story!

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

Atmospheric is definitely not the worst thing I've heard ;)

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[jenthegypsy.livejournal.com]

This is so very well done - love it to pieces, although it breaks my heart for Sawyer and poor lost Claire, too. ♥

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I was kind of going for heartbreaking, so that's actually good to hear.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing hun!

[elise-509.livejournal.com]

This is really fantastic, with that sixth sense kind of turn at the end. I thought perhaps that was what was happening and I loved that that's in fact where it was going. I've read a lot of LOST haunting kind of stories since the end of S4 and this is one of the best because it's so subtle, and melancholy in the way Claire doesn't actually get seen by anyone. She doesn't have some mission to get them to come back, she can't interact or speak to Sawyer, and it's heartbreaking. It's sad that she's alone, and Sawyer's alone.

[slybrunette.livejournal.com]

I totally hadn't even thought of the sixth sense when I wrote this but that is kind of like what it is.

You know I considered doing the whole "you have to come back" mission type thing but I figured I -- and everyone else -- have done it enough. I just wanted the feeling of complete and total isolation and pretty much hopelessness -- and hopefully I got that here.

I'm glad you liked this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!